9 ways to humiliate yourself internationally


Photo by Maile Sur

Travel time!

While traveling, there’s nothing worse than looking like you’re a tourist. Between obsessing over pickpockets, trying to calculate the exchange rate from US dollars to euros, and reading your copy of Italian for Dummies, try to make it seem like you’re from the area.

But, hey, if you want to look like a fool, feel free to do the following:

1. Get over excited about stamps on your passport.


I get it, it’s exciting. But the guy at customs is probably hating his life right now because he has to deal with you, so take your stamp and carry on.

2. Buy a selfie stick from the creepy guys on the street.


Not only are the guys who sell them extremely creepy, the selfie stick itself is just weird…

3. Ask for the “bathroom.”


I personally feel that the word “toilet” is kind of gross, but people in Europe will have no idea what you’re talking about if you ask for the “bathroom.” It’s a toilet…or toilette, as they say in France.

4. Pack a lot.


With all the loading and un-loading of your bags, you want to make sure it’s as light as possible. So don’t pull a Joey Tribbiani and wear all your clothes. You’re not clever… just dumb.

5. Get the Parthenon and the Pantheon mixed up.



The big building with columns, you know, the one in Athens, ya. That’s the Parthenon. The Pantheon is in Rome… I think someone needs to retake Mr. O’Brien’s World History class.

6. Talk loudly, as Americans do.


The walls in European hotels are very, very thin. So, yes, I can hear your entire conversation on how you much you love Kinder. And, yes, I want you to shut up.

7. Ask for meat at breakfast.


Breakfast menus in Europe literally consist of white bread, hard bread individually wrapped, croissants, chocolate-stuffed croissants, wheat bread, cookies, and more bread. So don’t even try to ask about meat.

8. Say you speak English.


Even though you do speak English, just say “no.” Why, you ask? IT’S A DIVERSION TO PICK YOUR POCKET! Duh *insert sassy attitude emoji here.

9. Put your phone in your back pocket.


Yep… It’s gone…

So while on your next trip out of the country, try not to stick out like a sore thumb. These tips are golden and will help you for sure, so memorize them.

Bon Voyage!

See related story: “Europe Group Takes on 5 Countries in 9 Days.”