I am about to embark on a journey of firsts this Christmas. I am going to fly to the Mainland by myself.

Fun Fact about me: I’ve never flown by myself before. This shall be exciting.

I am actually quite petrified at the idea. I’ve even had some nightmares about it. I dream of awful things: scenarios where I get lost and miss my plane, get stuck in security and never make it to my gate, having to sit in the middle seat between two strangers (who smell funny).

All sorts of awful airport terrors.

I’m not sure if I’m the greatest traveler to begin with. I’m a notorious over-packer. When I’m travelling I feel this unquenchable need to pack everything inside my closet, just in case something goes wrong with the million other outfits I packed.

I also tend to be a grouch without sleep. Since I don’t usually sleep on planes, I am pretty sure that no flight attendant or gate agent would be willing to help grumpy, grouchy, irritable Amanda. My own family has seen my dark side–and trust me, it isn’t pretty.

I also tend to get slightly panicky. I have been told my states of panic cannot be described in words, but I will give it my best shot here so you can fully understand.

Here’s what happens: First, I am thrown into a completely stressful/ scary situation (like flying by myself). I automatically start to get tense. My hands take on a life of their own, picking at every loose corner of anything I can find. Everything becomes a threat, and I feel that my very existence is at stake.

All of these thoughts fly around in my head like tiny airplanes denied clearance to land (oh my, that could happen, too), creating a near-frantic Amanda, who only wants to get the ordeal over with.

But I’m an adult now, right? Mature? Wise? Confident? I can overcome these feelings of inadequacy and make that journey to the Mainland just fine! Wish me luck, Warriors!

And here’s to hoping I don’t get myself kicked off a plane for not turning off my phone or something equally heinous. Mainland, here I come!