As I grow, it seems like time gets faster and faster. When I was younger, it seemed like my childhood would never end. At 10, two years seemed like such a long time. Right now, it feels like no time at all.

As a kid, I always wanted to grow up faster. I wanted to be strong, make my own decisions, and most importantly, have my own house to decorate. When people said to “cherish these years” and to “not grow up too quickly” I didn’t understand. How could anyone not want to be an adult?

Now that I have shed the rose-colored glasses of childhood, I see why. Being an adult isn’t all fun and games: it comes with real responsibility, and a smaller safety net. Instead of being excited to become an adult, now I feel a mix of terror and… regret.

See, in my quest to become strong, and independent, and make my own choices, I neglected joy and whimsy. I didn’t have family dinners, or hang out with friends after school. I dropped art in favor of youth councils and studies.

I enrolled in every possible opportunity. My scheduled was packed to the brim, leaving little time to just be. And while sacrificing my childhood led to awards and recognition, it also led to severe anxiety and burnout.

For a long time, my academic and competitive success defined my entire worth. I felt like if I didn’t achieve, I was worthless. And sometimes, I still feel stuck in that mindset.

But the truth is, we as humans need rest to grow and change. Time for reflection is essential to success. When you are going and going with no end in sight, your body and mind don’t get a chance to heal, and eventually, you hit a breaking point.

When I hit mine, it felt like my soul shattered. I was considering abandoning life as I knew it, and I had to take a break. There was no other option. As I recovered, though, I found a different problem. Without the outside validation I had been getting, I didn’t know who I was. I had to redefine myself.

Now, instead of defining my worth with external factors, I define it internally. I believe that we as humans are all worthy of joy, love, and acceptance. That means (even though I donʻt always believe it) that I am also worthy of those things.

While I regret not cherishing my childhood, it made me who I am today, and I like the person I’ve become. Sometimes, all it takes is a shift in mindset.